I did a "mentoring" (note air quotes) coffee with a younger person this week. She asked me what my goals were and my 5 year plan. Similarly, I interviewed for a position on my school board and they asked me for my metrics for success. I said pretty much the same things you wrote about here! Success and reaching my goals are: is building a life you're not constantly trying to escape from. It's being able to shut off my laptop because it's a nice day outside and I want to go for a long walk with my dog, working from the hospital when my parents have appointments, not having debt over my head. I have enough to pay my bills (well now anyways LOL, let's see how tariffs change that) and I don't have to ask anyone's permission to sleep in or take a three hour lunch.
If anybody asks me about my five year plan these days, I feel like that Matthew McConaughey meme: "Ya just gotta keep L I V I N" - that's about all the planning I have in me these days!
I love this. I’ve gotten very curious in the last few years around what I think is a successful life and have come to the same conclusion as you. More focused on the day to day and sharing love and presence than a long list of accomplishments. I think it can make some people uncomfortable though.
Yes! Because most of us feel like other people's choices are a commentary on ours. And if that person opts to do work they like well-enough that affords them the life they want but I'm over here burning myself to the nub and I *still* don't have the life I want ... then what? It can be pretty confronting :/
Amen! I feel exactly the same way. Whenever I start to worry that my work doesn’t measure up to someone else whose opinion I care about, I go back to the flexibility and autonomy I have that wouldn’t exist in a more ambitious sitch. My life is confusing to many - what does one do if they don’t have kids or a highfalutin career or both?
Well, for one, I have tons of hobbies: pickleball, trivia nights, golf, reading, singing, crafting, etc etc. I also get to be the friend/sister/auntie who gives the most thoughtful gifts and always gets them shipped in time and surprises OPB (Other People’s Babies) with fun gifts at random holidays like St. Patty’s Day and Easter.
I’m not more organized or more creative or more productive than you - I just have more time! I love my life partly because I’ve accepted the trade offs I’ve made to have it.
Girl, every time I look at your Instagram Stories I'm like "Kelley is doing it RIGHT." You're always doing something fun and fulfilling AND you're great at your job!!! Win / win!
Mega-relate. Over 17 years of freelance, plenty of people have talked about how I can scale and expand. But to what end? If anything, I'm trying to make my business even simpler that it is now. My workaholic tendencies are about as healthy as a cocaine addiction. Sure, it's fun when I'm deep in the zone, but the payback's a bitch. Ease, balance, and freedom IS professional success to me—not wads of cash and fancy titles.
Although if you head up your one person biz, you can give yourself any title you damn well please.
TO WHAT END?!!! Especially because if you're *not* working for yourself, you're just burning yourself out for ... what? A billionaire you've never met? Shareholders? A boss who would post your job the same day you died??
This is the content I need to hear! I read the art of frugal hedonism a few years ago and this kind of mindset of working to support living sn tapping out where it's not serving you is just *chefs kiss*
i love this, sarah. you know what is important to you and you prioritize it!
i’m in a similar boat. after years of fancy tech jobs which had me traveling all over the world, i now have a fine very stable job where i work with nice people at a pace that allows me to keep my nervous system mostly very calm. i garden, hang out with my friends and family, lift weights, go swimming at the community pool, and play D&D. late last year i bought a house with my husband (my first house and first husband hahaha) and am slowly making it super functional and extra cute. there are still places i want to see in this world, but i’m not in a hurry. i haven’t been on an airplane since 2022 and i’m completely fine with that!
last weekend i found a screaming good deal on my favorite potting soil and drove 45 minutes to get 10 giant bags of it. this weekend i’m up-potting some seedlings and taking my niblings to a protest. i’m as happy and content as i can be given the external circumstances of the world! i don’t feel driven to do much, but i do need to clean my windows as soon as we get more than 1 non-rainy day in a row!
This is what happened to me also, Sarah. I had a 35-year career as a self-employed court reporter and in my 50's also created a second business that I worked my butt off on and which became very successful and allowed me to retire from reporting. And I loved all of it and never thought I'd want to slow down.
But when I turned 60, something shifted inside of me. The business I built did not survive pandemic and I found my drive to achieve, to be recognized professionally, left. I had no desire to create another successful business. I began to dream of a quieter life. I've always had a strong spiritual side, have loved mentoring women over the years and wanted to do more of that. I didn't know how it would look, but I was dreaming about it.
I have found a new life now working part-time at a spiritual retreat center high in the hills near where I live. It's the first time I've been an employee, and it's honestly a relief not to be in charge of everything all the time. I've been able to create working hours that allow me to do my morning routine of writing, exercise, cooking and then go work 6 hours 3 days a week. Getting to meet retreat guests, being there to listen and help them, being in this beautiful setting is everything I was hoping to find.
My husband (a retired contractor) and I have also started a small handyman business to help elders and single women with home maintenance and repairs. He can accept the jobs he wants and can manage at 68, and it's a form of service we can provide.
We've kept our expenses low - we live in the same small and beautiful home we bought 35 years ago, keep our cars as long as we can, and live pretty simply to allow ourselves to live within our means.
It was wonderful to read your story and the comments of so many others to see I'm not alone in wanting to simplify and deepen connections!
My feelings exactly! I just don’t have the energy to climb the corporate ladder anymore or play the office politics. My job is fine, I work with nice people, and I have lots of flexibility. I’ve decided to put my energy into other things that really matter to me instead of being the overachieving employee.
I can relate to this so much - I have a good job in a great company with complete flexibility. I can drop off and pick up my kid, attend appointments when I need, purchase additional leave (on top of the 25 days I get), endless sick leave etc. And to give all of that up to earn more to spend a lot of it on support I'd need as I would have no time makes no sense to me. I am also very fulfilled outside of work with hobbies and friends etc. But I still feel I have to justify to colleagues / friends why I don't want to chase the typical careerpath. Like I seem to find myself going into a ramble on why I don't want to be middle management as alluring as it sounds ;)
I had the same situation Gillian and it truly isn't worth trading in for the grind. I resigned after 16 years with the same company. I will honestly tell you that so many of my colleagues are my friends but in 2.5 years they rarely reach out. What I'm getting at is they are wonderful people but they are busy, busy and now I value my TIME like it's worth millions of $$.
I worked the 60 hour work weeks, managed people, was climbing the ladder. I didn’t enjoy a minute of it. I’m fully remote now in an old rural town. I don’t manage anyone. My life is the best it’s been in 10 years.
Love this! This pretty much sums up my dream life too. I just want to be left alone in my forest with Gary, my tiny tomato garden, my dogs, and my espresso machine. I did start a pen name recently, mostly so I can write spicy, totally bonkers romance books and stay blissfully anonymous while doing it.
I can’t tell you how uncanny it feels to read my own, mostly unarticulated thoughts in someone else’s Substack. It sounds like you and I have similar trajectories (I’m an OG blogger with good-friend “coworkers” like you describe). Without taking you down the winding road that has been my last five years, I’ll just say that I have arrived at a very similar place. I passionately believe in writing and personal storytelling and mutually supportive community and this — kinship between strangers! I’m also aware that the most important and fulfilling things I do these days are off-line. Thank you for writing this out and for your lovely newsletter. I’m happy that you’ve found a place of balance and contentment. It’s a moving target, I know, but it’s wonderful to hear about it.
There is a huge amount of power in having enough and knowing enough. When you have your enough, you can't be manipulated into buying more, or "keeping up with the Jones". You can't be convinced to work overtime to earn someone else money, and you can't be tricked into sacrificing your personal time, your time with friends or family to feed the corporate beast. THIS is the new hustle Sarah, having enough! No mouth tape or ice baths required!
Yes! And it's so obvious in all you do and all you write that you truly are there to help as many people as possible as opposed to make seven bajillion dollars ♥️♥️
What is that saying? - "Life happens when your busy making plans" or something like that. I realised recently I was so focused on building something I was missing the good stuff. Now I just want the good stuff and when I can be bothered I'll do some planning and implementing. Love this post. Thanks.
My friend likes to remind me of the night, years back, that I confessed to him I feared I was losing my ambition. He brings it up like, “remember that??” And I’m like, “yeah!! But I really have!!” He’s shocked every time, like surely it should have come back by now? But no. I do miss it sometimes and I admit I get a little FOMO if I spend too much time on social media looking at other people’s shiny careers. But I’m thrilled with what I’ve achieved so far and very happy to have scaled back, with no plans to change much from what I’m doing for the next stretch of time. There are so many other parts of my life I’m excited about, and you inspire me to continue to give love to those!
I did a "mentoring" (note air quotes) coffee with a younger person this week. She asked me what my goals were and my 5 year plan. Similarly, I interviewed for a position on my school board and they asked me for my metrics for success. I said pretty much the same things you wrote about here! Success and reaching my goals are: is building a life you're not constantly trying to escape from. It's being able to shut off my laptop because it's a nice day outside and I want to go for a long walk with my dog, working from the hospital when my parents have appointments, not having debt over my head. I have enough to pay my bills (well now anyways LOL, let's see how tariffs change that) and I don't have to ask anyone's permission to sleep in or take a three hour lunch.
If anybody asks me about my five year plan these days, I feel like that Matthew McConaughey meme: "Ya just gotta keep L I V I N" - that's about all the planning I have in me these days!
Success and reaching my goals are: is building a life you're not constantly trying to escape from..............this! So well put xx
Yes agreed- I copied the line into my journal! Thank you both
I love this. I’ve gotten very curious in the last few years around what I think is a successful life and have come to the same conclusion as you. More focused on the day to day and sharing love and presence than a long list of accomplishments. I think it can make some people uncomfortable though.
Yes! Because most of us feel like other people's choices are a commentary on ours. And if that person opts to do work they like well-enough that affords them the life they want but I'm over here burning myself to the nub and I *still* don't have the life I want ... then what? It can be pretty confronting :/
It can definitely feel confronting, excellent way to put it.
Amen! I feel exactly the same way. Whenever I start to worry that my work doesn’t measure up to someone else whose opinion I care about, I go back to the flexibility and autonomy I have that wouldn’t exist in a more ambitious sitch. My life is confusing to many - what does one do if they don’t have kids or a highfalutin career or both?
Well, for one, I have tons of hobbies: pickleball, trivia nights, golf, reading, singing, crafting, etc etc. I also get to be the friend/sister/auntie who gives the most thoughtful gifts and always gets them shipped in time and surprises OPB (Other People’s Babies) with fun gifts at random holidays like St. Patty’s Day and Easter.
I’m not more organized or more creative or more productive than you - I just have more time! I love my life partly because I’ve accepted the trade offs I’ve made to have it.
Girl, every time I look at your Instagram Stories I'm like "Kelley is doing it RIGHT." You're always doing something fun and fulfilling AND you're great at your job!!! Win / win!
Ha! Same same, Sarah! Thanks for the compliment. :)
Mega-relate. Over 17 years of freelance, plenty of people have talked about how I can scale and expand. But to what end? If anything, I'm trying to make my business even simpler that it is now. My workaholic tendencies are about as healthy as a cocaine addiction. Sure, it's fun when I'm deep in the zone, but the payback's a bitch. Ease, balance, and freedom IS professional success to me—not wads of cash and fancy titles.
Although if you head up your one person biz, you can give yourself any title you damn well please.
TO WHAT END?!!! Especially because if you're *not* working for yourself, you're just burning yourself out for ... what? A billionaire you've never met? Shareholders? A boss who would post your job the same day you died??
Amen sister. Thanks for writing about this.
When a "scrappy" company I'd worked hard (and cheap) for sold for millions and all the former owners bought Porsches, it was pretty damn eye opening.
For the record...I still drive a $1 Buick.
This is the content I need to hear! I read the art of frugal hedonism a few years ago and this kind of mindset of working to support living sn tapping out where it's not serving you is just *chefs kiss*
You're the second person to mention that book TODAY! I think it's a sign!
Weird! I love when that happens
i love this, sarah. you know what is important to you and you prioritize it!
i’m in a similar boat. after years of fancy tech jobs which had me traveling all over the world, i now have a fine very stable job where i work with nice people at a pace that allows me to keep my nervous system mostly very calm. i garden, hang out with my friends and family, lift weights, go swimming at the community pool, and play D&D. late last year i bought a house with my husband (my first house and first husband hahaha) and am slowly making it super functional and extra cute. there are still places i want to see in this world, but i’m not in a hurry. i haven’t been on an airplane since 2022 and i’m completely fine with that!
last weekend i found a screaming good deal on my favorite potting soil and drove 45 minutes to get 10 giant bags of it. this weekend i’m up-potting some seedlings and taking my niblings to a protest. i’m as happy and content as i can be given the external circumstances of the world! i don’t feel driven to do much, but i do need to clean my windows as soon as we get more than 1 non-rainy day in a row!
I think "as happy and content as i can be given the external circumstances of the world!" is a perfect and wonderful barometer, Megan <3
This is what happened to me also, Sarah. I had a 35-year career as a self-employed court reporter and in my 50's also created a second business that I worked my butt off on and which became very successful and allowed me to retire from reporting. And I loved all of it and never thought I'd want to slow down.
But when I turned 60, something shifted inside of me. The business I built did not survive pandemic and I found my drive to achieve, to be recognized professionally, left. I had no desire to create another successful business. I began to dream of a quieter life. I've always had a strong spiritual side, have loved mentoring women over the years and wanted to do more of that. I didn't know how it would look, but I was dreaming about it.
I have found a new life now working part-time at a spiritual retreat center high in the hills near where I live. It's the first time I've been an employee, and it's honestly a relief not to be in charge of everything all the time. I've been able to create working hours that allow me to do my morning routine of writing, exercise, cooking and then go work 6 hours 3 days a week. Getting to meet retreat guests, being there to listen and help them, being in this beautiful setting is everything I was hoping to find.
My husband (a retired contractor) and I have also started a small handyman business to help elders and single women with home maintenance and repairs. He can accept the jobs he wants and can manage at 68, and it's a form of service we can provide.
We've kept our expenses low - we live in the same small and beautiful home we bought 35 years ago, keep our cars as long as we can, and live pretty simply to allow ourselves to live within our means.
It was wonderful to read your story and the comments of so many others to see I'm not alone in wanting to simplify and deepen connections!
This is so lovely, Andrea! I love the idea of starting a business to 100% be of service!
My feelings exactly! I just don’t have the energy to climb the corporate ladder anymore or play the office politics. My job is fine, I work with nice people, and I have lots of flexibility. I’ve decided to put my energy into other things that really matter to me instead of being the overachieving employee.
I can relate to this so much - I have a good job in a great company with complete flexibility. I can drop off and pick up my kid, attend appointments when I need, purchase additional leave (on top of the 25 days I get), endless sick leave etc. And to give all of that up to earn more to spend a lot of it on support I'd need as I would have no time makes no sense to me. I am also very fulfilled outside of work with hobbies and friends etc. But I still feel I have to justify to colleagues / friends why I don't want to chase the typical careerpath. Like I seem to find myself going into a ramble on why I don't want to be middle management as alluring as it sounds ;)
It really sounds like you have the dream set up!!
I had the same situation Gillian and it truly isn't worth trading in for the grind. I resigned after 16 years with the same company. I will honestly tell you that so many of my colleagues are my friends but in 2.5 years they rarely reach out. What I'm getting at is they are wonderful people but they are busy, busy and now I value my TIME like it's worth millions of $$.
I worked the 60 hour work weeks, managed people, was climbing the ladder. I didn’t enjoy a minute of it. I’m fully remote now in an old rural town. I don’t manage anyone. My life is the best it’s been in 10 years.
This sounds PERFECT Serafina!
Love this! This pretty much sums up my dream life too. I just want to be left alone in my forest with Gary, my tiny tomato garden, my dogs, and my espresso machine. I did start a pen name recently, mostly so I can write spicy, totally bonkers romance books and stay blissfully anonymous while doing it.
Girl, every time I hear about what you're doing it unlocks a new level of inspiration for Dream Life!!!!
I can’t tell you how uncanny it feels to read my own, mostly unarticulated thoughts in someone else’s Substack. It sounds like you and I have similar trajectories (I’m an OG blogger with good-friend “coworkers” like you describe). Without taking you down the winding road that has been my last five years, I’ll just say that I have arrived at a very similar place. I passionately believe in writing and personal storytelling and mutually supportive community and this — kinship between strangers! I’m also aware that the most important and fulfilling things I do these days are off-line. Thank you for writing this out and for your lovely newsletter. I’m happy that you’ve found a place of balance and contentment. It’s a moving target, I know, but it’s wonderful to hear about it.
Oh, Asha what a kind thing to say! And yes to the offline stuff! <3 <3
There is a huge amount of power in having enough and knowing enough. When you have your enough, you can't be manipulated into buying more, or "keeping up with the Jones". You can't be convinced to work overtime to earn someone else money, and you can't be tricked into sacrificing your personal time, your time with friends or family to feed the corporate beast. THIS is the new hustle Sarah, having enough! No mouth tape or ice baths required!
I do not want to take an ice bath!!! Yes to enough!!!
The part where you said "if someone's an asshole, I don't have to work with them" is the paragon of success in my book.
I think so, too!!! IT IS SO FREEING!!!
Alllllll of this heavy relate. It’s the depth I’m interested in not the scale (or something?!) ❤️❤️
Yes! And it's so obvious in all you do and all you write that you truly are there to help as many people as possible as opposed to make seven bajillion dollars ♥️♥️
🥰Honestly what would I spend that kind of cash on??? I would end up with an alpaca sanctuary or some such, and that is so NOT my ‘zone of genius’ 😂
What is that saying? - "Life happens when your busy making plans" or something like that. I realised recently I was so focused on building something I was missing the good stuff. Now I just want the good stuff and when I can be bothered I'll do some planning and implementing. Love this post. Thanks.
So glad it resonated, Jane!
My friend likes to remind me of the night, years back, that I confessed to him I feared I was losing my ambition. He brings it up like, “remember that??” And I’m like, “yeah!! But I really have!!” He’s shocked every time, like surely it should have come back by now? But no. I do miss it sometimes and I admit I get a little FOMO if I spend too much time on social media looking at other people’s shiny careers. But I’m thrilled with what I’ve achieved so far and very happy to have scaled back, with no plans to change much from what I’m doing for the next stretch of time. There are so many other parts of my life I’m excited about, and you inspire me to continue to give love to those!
"So many other parts of my life to be excited about" - this is such a good way to think about it!!! ♥️