One of my sisters is the primary caregiver for our parents and SHE. WILL. NOT. ACCEPT. thanks, questions or compliments. "just doing what I do". It drives me crazy. What if one of the rest of us had to step in?
This alone has made me start keep a 'captain's manual' of all the things I do for my family alone. Passwords, banks, the accountant, the vet, etc. It's not about recognition for me, it is about continuity.
Will my husband do Christmas stocking like I do? Absolutely not. But if it is a tradition or a need, someone else other than me needs to know how it is done and managed.
Couldn't be me, I am too chatty! But in all seriousness, suffering in silence only leads to resentment, I want to keep loving my family forever; sharing the work out loud is an investment in our future relationships.
Love this!!! I remember at a job, I got an annual review that was sort of negative and kind of stung - part because I had been checked out and wasnt giving my best and bummed that I got “caught”, part because in lots of aspects I felt I HAD done a great job and wasnt getting credit. When I shared the latter, my boss said “Huh. Well. Maybe you need to show your work more and you make it seem too easy.” I’ve always thought of that professionally since then, but I hadn’t thought to do it outside of paying work. Thanks for the perspective and examples!
Brilliant! I did this last weekend when my friends complimented me on always looking stylish on a girl’s weekend. I admitted I always worry about ‘what to wear’ and shared my strategy for the weekend.
I have a list of all my clothes for autumn/winter and I popped that into chat gpt with the prompt…
Please create me a packing list to fit into hand luggage for the following weekend activities, dancing, shopping and lunches, dinner on Sat night, a snuggly lounging outfit. Only 2 pairs of shoes. Then I added the temperature range and the general vibe of the location. I had the packing list created in a word doc I could ✔️
I also had a table created for the outfits.
I’ve also used AI to tell me what is missing in my wardrobe and create outfits for the week from my small wardrobe 😉
Ooooooh I LOVE THIS. I do okay with work outfits but my weekend outfits are very what I wore in high school type of style and I've been thinking lately I wish I could grow this up a little. I'll try it!
Absolutely! I love this advice. I'm a youth services librarian (and have been for nearly 20 years) and it is so important that I show the why and the process behind these seemingly fun/silly things that we do at the library, both to patrons and to my administration.
Ohhhh, yes! I can imagine a lot of people think “Oh, must be nice for you! Playing with puppets and reading to kids all day!” When, in fact, there's really solid pedagogical theory behind what you're doing!
I LOVE this, and mostly because I don't give myself enough credit at all. I have a big birthday next week, and I have been thinking about how much I have accomplished and IT WAS HARD WORK! Luck isn't claiming my credit anymore, I earned this!
I think you nailed it with the Weird Rich Aunt vibe! I love the "show your work" motto, because it is a ton of work to do things well and get things right! But, I like your attitude and how you say it. I think the way I say things, I come across like I'm whining. I notice you add details. I'm going to practice that method.
Oh Sarah, you're so full of all of these wise and delightful things. This is such an important thing that I wish more people did do (instead of doing the salesy "it's so easy, just x y z), most of us are just kind of winging things as we go until we find someone who is doing it a better way. You'll probably get a kick out of this: I got a prius because of you. Keep 'em comin. I always look forward to your posts.
OH MY GOD DO YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH???? I am not joking when I say we will only ever buy used Priuses. We currently have a 2012 Prius with 100,000 miles we bought for $8,000 cash - we’ll get 10 years out of that car! That’s like $800 a year!
I started off looking at used Priuses and ultimately ended up getting a new one because I wasn't able to get a used one for less than 20k. To do so, we shared a car (I was wfh at the time) and I saved/worked extra gigs and put down like 75% of the car and then paid it off within a year. It was in the height of the battery shortage nonsense and it was madness in general. But that's all settled and boy do I love the 65 miles per gallon :-D. Sharing a car by choice is another thing I probably never would have considered because I had never seen anyone else do that by choice before.
I am obsessed with this concept and am going to start with telling my partner all of the things I did that day in our home. And then follow up with detailed thought processes for clients. And then I'm going to expand it into documenting systems as I create them so people how it doesn't need to be perfect first to work.
What a good perspective! Sometimes I feel like when I explain all the work that went into something, I'm justifying it or almost complaining. I think this also brings a lot of insight to "overnight successes," like no, I actually put all of this work into the life I created.
Yes! And I love it when I see old videos of Lady Gaga or Chapel Roan out there hustling to small audiences! (Or anyone else I admire). It honestly humanizes them and makes me respect them MORE!
agreed! And I think one of the coolest things is that often the work in the beginning, may not feel like it relates to where you end up, but I think it all matters!
I’ve never thought about it this way, but totally resonate with this! I think especially with my kids I want them to see (appreciate) all the work that goes into our lives so they can learn to be a grown up one day and feel empowered to do it 💖
Yes! I think this is especially important if you're raising boys! We've actively chosen NOT to get a housecleaner or a lawn service because we want me stepsons to have a realistic understanding of what goes into maintaining a house!
I’ve been doing this with my art practice - showing my progress through a dedicated instagram account over the last 6ish years. I love it because
1. It’s great to see my own progress when I get down on myself about my current skill level.
2. Like other artists online, showing my process helps others see it is a *skill* that can be learned, regardless of starting age or stage. & it feels like giving back to a community that has so freely offered so many tips, tricks & techniques.
But I also love the idea of doing this with “boring” & “normal” parts of our lives, especially for us neurodivergent folks! When others share how much work goes into daily living, it makes me feel better about the amount of effort I have to put in as well.
You have been preaching this for years and it has totally changed how I talk about things! Especially because I work from home and my partner works in the office most days, there's a lot of hidden stuff I do during the day in between meetings. I do a little announcement of all the stuff I've done when I've done a ton, and I also talk a lot about the hidden brain work I'm doing.
No joke, this contributed to why I got a co-working space! I would procrastinate my doing various house projects (then no one had asked me or expected me to do) and then I would get annoyed when nobody noticed that I had done them! (And really, I was just doing them to avoid dealing with my bookkeeping 😆)
I do very similar work to you, and I have never thought to "show my work/expertise" by adding comments that show all the thought that goes into the work. What a great idea! Might take this from you. :)
As a Type B professional in a Type A world, I have lived in fear of vocalizing all that goes into my work and now I am in a position of resentment because someone in decision making power has seen my work as "so easy anyone can do it." I am hurt and offended and partly to blame.
You have a beautiful home. It looks cozy. Wow! You really put in great work in choosing your colors and textures. The decors fit just right where they are. Great job!
About compliments. I'm someone who doesn’t hesitate in appreciating good looks and styles.
Most times compliment can win a heart faster than gold.
One of my sisters is the primary caregiver for our parents and SHE. WILL. NOT. ACCEPT. thanks, questions or compliments. "just doing what I do". It drives me crazy. What if one of the rest of us had to step in?
This alone has made me start keep a 'captain's manual' of all the things I do for my family alone. Passwords, banks, the accountant, the vet, etc. It's not about recognition for me, it is about continuity.
Will my husband do Christmas stocking like I do? Absolutely not. But if it is a tradition or a need, someone else other than me needs to know how it is done and managed.
Thank you for a thoughtful piece. Sylvia
Wow, I love that idea of a Captain's manual! That's really clever, I think I'm going to try and do something like that too...
This is so smart Sylvia!
Could not love this approach more. Immediately implementing! Especially useful for women and mothers who tend to work (and suffer) in silence.
Right?! Signed, A Type A Eldest Daughter
Couldn't be me, I am too chatty! But in all seriousness, suffering in silence only leads to resentment, I want to keep loving my family forever; sharing the work out loud is an investment in our future relationships.
Love this!!! I remember at a job, I got an annual review that was sort of negative and kind of stung - part because I had been checked out and wasnt giving my best and bummed that I got “caught”, part because in lots of aspects I felt I HAD done a great job and wasnt getting credit. When I shared the latter, my boss said “Huh. Well. Maybe you need to show your work more and you make it seem too easy.” I’ve always thought of that professionally since then, but I hadn’t thought to do it outside of paying work. Thanks for the perspective and examples!
So glad you found it useful! This is the risk we run when we are too good at what we do and people don't understand what goes into it!
Brilliant! I did this last weekend when my friends complimented me on always looking stylish on a girl’s weekend. I admitted I always worry about ‘what to wear’ and shared my strategy for the weekend.
I have a list of all my clothes for autumn/winter and I popped that into chat gpt with the prompt…
Please create me a packing list to fit into hand luggage for the following weekend activities, dancing, shopping and lunches, dinner on Sat night, a snuggly lounging outfit. Only 2 pairs of shoes. Then I added the temperature range and the general vibe of the location. I had the packing list created in a word doc I could ✔️
I also had a table created for the outfits.
I’ve also used AI to tell me what is missing in my wardrobe and create outfits for the week from my small wardrobe 😉
No more, oh I just threw this on!
Ooooooh I LOVE THIS. I do okay with work outfits but my weekend outfits are very what I wore in high school type of style and I've been thinking lately I wish I could grow this up a little. I'll try it!
This is so smart!
Absolutely! I love this advice. I'm a youth services librarian (and have been for nearly 20 years) and it is so important that I show the why and the process behind these seemingly fun/silly things that we do at the library, both to patrons and to my administration.
Ohhhh, yes! I can imagine a lot of people think “Oh, must be nice for you! Playing with puppets and reading to kids all day!” When, in fact, there's really solid pedagogical theory behind what you're doing!
And it falls in line with the undervaluing of pink-collar professions and/or professions that work with children. Gotta emphasize the why!
I LOVE this, and mostly because I don't give myself enough credit at all. I have a big birthday next week, and I have been thinking about how much I have accomplished and IT WAS HARD WORK! Luck isn't claiming my credit anymore, I earned this!
I think you nailed it with the Weird Rich Aunt vibe! I love the "show your work" motto, because it is a ton of work to do things well and get things right! But, I like your attitude and how you say it. I think the way I say things, I come across like I'm whining. I notice you add details. I'm going to practice that method.
Oh Sarah, you're so full of all of these wise and delightful things. This is such an important thing that I wish more people did do (instead of doing the salesy "it's so easy, just x y z), most of us are just kind of winging things as we go until we find someone who is doing it a better way. You'll probably get a kick out of this: I got a prius because of you. Keep 'em comin. I always look forward to your posts.
OH MY GOD DO YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH???? I am not joking when I say we will only ever buy used Priuses. We currently have a 2012 Prius with 100,000 miles we bought for $8,000 cash - we’ll get 10 years out of that car! That’s like $800 a year!
I started off looking at used Priuses and ultimately ended up getting a new one because I wasn't able to get a used one for less than 20k. To do so, we shared a car (I was wfh at the time) and I saved/worked extra gigs and put down like 75% of the car and then paid it off within a year. It was in the height of the battery shortage nonsense and it was madness in general. But that's all settled and boy do I love the 65 miles per gallon :-D. Sharing a car by choice is another thing I probably never would have considered because I had never seen anyone else do that by choice before.
I am obsessed with this concept and am going to start with telling my partner all of the things I did that day in our home. And then follow up with detailed thought processes for clients. And then I'm going to expand it into documenting systems as I create them so people how it doesn't need to be perfect first to work.
Yes! And the side benefit is we usually feel so much better about what we’ve accomplished over the course of any given day!
What a good perspective! Sometimes I feel like when I explain all the work that went into something, I'm justifying it or almost complaining. I think this also brings a lot of insight to "overnight successes," like no, I actually put all of this work into the life I created.
Yes! And I love it when I see old videos of Lady Gaga or Chapel Roan out there hustling to small audiences! (Or anyone else I admire). It honestly humanizes them and makes me respect them MORE!
agreed! And I think one of the coolest things is that often the work in the beginning, may not feel like it relates to where you end up, but I think it all matters!
I’ve never thought about it this way, but totally resonate with this! I think especially with my kids I want them to see (appreciate) all the work that goes into our lives so they can learn to be a grown up one day and feel empowered to do it 💖
Yes! I think this is especially important if you're raising boys! We've actively chosen NOT to get a housecleaner or a lawn service because we want me stepsons to have a realistic understanding of what goes into maintaining a house!
I’ve been doing this with my art practice - showing my progress through a dedicated instagram account over the last 6ish years. I love it because
1. It’s great to see my own progress when I get down on myself about my current skill level.
2. Like other artists online, showing my process helps others see it is a *skill* that can be learned, regardless of starting age or stage. & it feels like giving back to a community that has so freely offered so many tips, tricks & techniques.
But I also love the idea of doing this with “boring” & “normal” parts of our lives, especially for us neurodivergent folks! When others share how much work goes into daily living, it makes me feel better about the amount of effort I have to put in as well.
So thanks for sharing Sarah!
You have been preaching this for years and it has totally changed how I talk about things! Especially because I work from home and my partner works in the office most days, there's a lot of hidden stuff I do during the day in between meetings. I do a little announcement of all the stuff I've done when I've done a ton, and I also talk a lot about the hidden brain work I'm doing.
No joke, this contributed to why I got a co-working space! I would procrastinate my doing various house projects (then no one had asked me or expected me to do) and then I would get annoyed when nobody noticed that I had done them! (And really, I was just doing them to avoid dealing with my bookkeeping 😆)
I do very similar work to you, and I have never thought to "show my work/expertise" by adding comments that show all the thought that goes into the work. What a great idea! Might take this from you. :)
Please do! I find my clients really appreciate it!
As a Type B professional in a Type A world, I have lived in fear of vocalizing all that goes into my work and now I am in a position of resentment because someone in decision making power has seen my work as "so easy anyone can do it." I am hurt and offended and partly to blame.
This read came at the right time. Thank you 💜
So glad it resonated!!
You have a beautiful home. It looks cozy. Wow! You really put in great work in choosing your colors and textures. The decors fit just right where they are. Great job!
About compliments. I'm someone who doesn’t hesitate in appreciating good looks and styles.
Most times compliment can win a heart faster than gold.